im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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