so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
