You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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