god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
