I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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