paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
