He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
