You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
