Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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