I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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