..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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