do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
