According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize