you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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