I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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