I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
