i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
