i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
