I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize