and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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