i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
