I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
