If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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