remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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