At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
