My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
