Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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