Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
