The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
