Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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