Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
