Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
