Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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