I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
