I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
