ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize