East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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