So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
