He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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