this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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