did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
