Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my liver is dry heaving
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
