The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
