I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
