bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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