Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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