At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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