I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
