Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
