the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
