Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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