if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
