he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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