Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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