also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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