and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
