Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
