I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
