You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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