I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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