I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
