I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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