How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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