Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
