Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
