everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
