i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
