i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
