someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
