I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
