Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
