Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love having hate sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
