I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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