She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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