none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize