Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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