Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
