Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize