someone owes me an orgasm
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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