Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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