I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
