I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
