you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize