i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
