i don't like sucking hair
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
