Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
