I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
