I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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