I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
