So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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