So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
