did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize