that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
