i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
