Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
